whisper down the mobile grapevine
by awintea
Summary: seigaku, fudoumine / Hijinks with Eiji and Inui, because they are never, ever a good combination and when they get involved, everyone else suffers. But always in a funny way / oneshot.


**whisper down the mobile grapevine**

[written for happiestwhen for help_japan; read at my livejournal for better formatting]

* * *

><p>[09:38 – PHONE CONVERSATION]<p>

'Kikumaru, why are you not in position?'

'I thought we said we were using codenames! Over.'

'You agreed. I didn't.'

'But we're on a secret mission! We need codenames! Over.'

'I'm in position. You're in the living room of your house watching The Chocolates' latest PV.'

'Inui, do you have cameras in my living room – '

'I thought you wanted to use codenames.'

'You're not answering my question! Over.'

'Every minute you spend watching the television is a minute not spent on recon. Also, you don't need to say "Over" since we're on mobile phones and not walkie-talkies.'

'_Do you or do you not have cameras in my living room?_'

'...'

'Inui?'

'...'

'...White Ranger?'

[YESTERDAY, 18:23 – SPORTS SHOP]

The problem with going shopping for one thing is that you never end up getting only what you planned on getting. Eiji knows this quite well, and that is why he is standing in front of the most gorgeous tennis shoes he's ever seen in his life, even though all he had wanted to do at the sports shop was get his racquet restringed.

Eight thousand yen in't actually _that_expensive for tennis shoes. Not really. Plus Eiji still has some money from New Year's that he hadn't used – oh wait, no, he'd used that when Momo and Echizen had tricked him into treating them for burgers. That shorty ate like a horse! Two horses! Five horses, even!

And speak of the devil, here he is – Echizen Ryoma in the flesh, walking through the door. It doesn't look like Echizen's seen him, so Eiji opens his mouth to call out to him (and ask him whether he should buy these beautiful wonderful tennis shoes) when somebody else walks in right behind him.

' – did you follow me here? I was coming to the sports shop first, so why did you walk in too? I didn't expect to see you here, Echizen. It must be fate – '

Fate? What is he talking about? Eiji recognises him as the guy from Fudoumine, but that doesn't explain why he's acting all buddy-buddy with Echizen. Eiji had to find out more, so he stayed behind the shelf, as he was, and tried to figure out what was going on.

' – can't stop me from getting what I want this time, Echizen. I'm not giving in to you,' finished ... Ibu, that's his name, and suddenly Eiji feels like he's missing a really big piece of the puzzle, because _what_?

Echizen just replies with a 'hm', looking at a tube of tennis balls.

'It's funny,' Ibu continues, 'because Fuji Shusuke and my captain's sister – ' Eiji has to suppress his gasp here ' – are going on a date tomorrow too, though she told me not to tell anybody because they would "freak" – she used the word "freak", so that's why I'm using it now – so our meeting here on the same day that they're meeting must mean something. Seigaku and Fudoumine alliances. Echizen, I think we should go out – '

'Sir?'

Eiji squawks like a chicken, which alarms the shop owner even more. Apparently, staring at the other customers is considered suspicious behaviour, even though there could be a perfectly innocent explanation, like wanting to buy the tennis balls they're holding, or being interested in their tennis shoes, and Eiji tells the owner this, but he still doesn't look convinced. He does leave Eiji alone though, so he can get back to spying on Echizen and Ibu –

But they're gone.

Both of them.

Together.

He _had_ to tell Inui.

[10:09 – STREET COURTS, STAIRS]

'Are you sure you didn't hear incorrectly, Eiji?' Oishi is concerned as usual, because – well, he's always concerned. Eiji just grins though because if there's a secret date going on it's definitely something he wants to spot. Inui's on the other end of the street court, crouching in some bushes with a pair of binoculars, but he hasn't seen anything either or he'd've called. He lets the lack of codename slide since it's Oishi, who's already too rattled by the idea of their ickle first-year dating _an older man_. Eiji didn't even get to tell him about Fuji and Tachibana's little sis before he went into panic mode.

'Keep your eyes on the court, Robotnik! Momo told me that Echizen was going to the street courts this morning, so he should be here any minute now with the Fudoumine guy!'

'I'm going to have to talk to Echizen about this,' Oishi says, rambling on despite Eiji's rebuke, 'and make sure Ibu is treating him properly. Echizen is so young! And from America! Things are different in America so he probably doesn't understand that dating is frowned upon in young people and they don't even know each other; how can they be going out? Why didn't he tell any of us about it? Doesn't he trust us? Is he ashamed? Does he feel he can't talk to us about – '

Eiji has to cut his best friend off though, covering Oishi's mouth with his hand, because Echizen Ryoma has arrived, with his long-haired date in tow.

Speed dial number one. 'White Ranger!' Eiji whispers. 'Targets spotted!'  
>'Both Echizen and Ibu?'<p>

'Yup. They've got tennis bags with them so I guess they're going to play. That's not very romantic though – '

Meanwhile, Oishi continues: 'How many dates has Echizen already been on? Do their families know? Does Ibu's team know? Should we call them and tell them to come?'

[10:13 – STREET COURT 2]

'Why'd we have to play tennis so early?' Echizen grumbles, his feet dragging as he walks on to the court.

'I couldn't wait,' Ibu replies, eyes serious and face stern. 'It's been so long since our last match and I wanted a chance to prove myself. I still haven't forgotten the grip tape incident. Kamio tells me I should forget about it but I can't because I really wanted that grip tape. Even if I buy another roll it will not be the same, because the new roll won't be the one I wanted – '

'Let's just start then,' Echizen says, pushing his cap down. He hasn't even had time to eat breakfast, and now he's hungry, so the faster he finishes this, the faster he'll get to leave. It's a Sunday. He should be allowed to sleep in. Not that he doesn't love tennis, but he'll love tennis more when it's a respectable three o' clock in the afternoon and he's already had lunch.

'If I win, you give me the grip tape,' Ibu declares in a relatively loud voice, but then it devolves into his usual mumble. 'And if you win you can ask me to buy you something from the sports shop, but I don't plan on losing today, because I want that grip tape, so my resolve will – '

[10:14 – STREET COURTS, STAIRS]

'– says he couldn't wait and that Kamio told him to forget about Echizen but then he couldn't.' Eiji really needs to get closer, but he can't risk being found out. As it is, he's only catching half of Ibu's words. 'If Echizen wins, Ibu's going to let him do whatever he wants – '

'I can't allow this!' And Oishi stands up, full of fire and all sorts of determination which would be nice if they were playing doubles against say Hyoutei, in particular the doubles team with the guy who thinks he's better at acrobatics than Eiji, but right now it is just bad because Echizen and his possible boyfriend are looking at them and this is _not good at all_.

'White Ranger, retreat!' he whispers before hanging up, because even if they have to sacrifice themselves, at least Inui will be able to escape. There's no point in hiding any more, so Eiji gets up too.

'Eh? Senpai?'

And they've been spotted. Recon is a failure; now they're in full-on attack mode.

'Echizen! What do you think you're doing with him?' Oishi asks, running over to where their youngest team member is standing. 'Do you know the dangers that come with – '

' – playing tennis?' Echizen asks, all big innocent golden eyes. 'You can't run on to the court when there's a game going on, senpai.'

'But – but – ' Oishi is spluttering, and Eiji would normally try to help his best friend out but there are more important things at stake here. Since he's out here already, he might as well ask the source for more information.

'So I called Fuji earlier today,' Eiji says in as casual a tone as he can muster, 'but he didn't answer. D'you know where he is?'

Echizen blinks, before turning to Ibu. 'You said he was at the mall with your captain's sister, right?' Echizen sounds bored – maybe he's annoyed that his date's been interrupted, Eiji decides, and there's going to be more interrogation later, but Eiji's a nice guy, so he's going to let him finish their date first. (That is if Oishi allows it, of course, since Oishi looks a little bit apopletic.)

While Oishi continues in his splutteriness, Eiji mails Inui:

[Fuji's at the mall with Tachibana An. Can't go with you. Over.]

He sends it just as Oishi tells Echizen and Ibu not to hold hands in public.

It's time to call in the big guns.

[10:21 – PHONE CONVERSATION]

'This is Kamio Akira. Who's calling?'

'Wait, why the hell are you on the phone?'

'Who are you wait, _you're_the bike thief who won't leave An-chan alone! Why are you calling me?'

'I'm not calling you; you called me!'

'Actually, I called both of you.'

'...Inui-senpai?'

'Why does somebody from your school have my phone number? I knew all of you were creeps; I just knew it!'

'Don't call me a creep, you – '

'There will be time for hysterics later. Firstly, I have some information you might like to know. Fuji Shusuke, from Seishun Gakuen – '

'I know who he is, senpai!'

'It was for the benefit of the Fudoumine student, Momoshiro. To continue, Fuji Shusuke and Tachibana An are currently on a date at the – '

'_What?_'

'You spoke in unison. It's interesting that both of you had the same response to that – '

'What do you mean An-chan's on a date with – '

'What do you mean Fuji-senpai's on a date with – '

'And now with identical sentence structure. This is very interesting indeed, but that's not why I called you. I would like you to help me locate them, since the mall is rather large and – hello?'

'...'

'Ah. They hung up.'

[10:34 – STREET COURT 2]

' – and you should tell your families, because if they find out the way we did they will be very shocked, and then they might fall ill; or worse, get a stroke.'

'Senpai,' Echizen says, finally getting a word in, 'we're just playing tennis. Really.'

And Oishi deflates like a balloon, only to re-inflate in a matter of seconds. 'Then, what about Fuji and Tachibana's sister? If they – '

'They're just shopping together, since apparently Fuji Shusuke has a very good eye for fashion,' Ibu mumbles, 'which everyone would know if they would just listen to me instead of always leaving before dashing off. People always leave before I finish talking, which is just very rude, especially since I have interesting things to say. They're missing out if they're not listening to me, and oh look, the egg-headed guy has left even though I'm still talking away, and Echizen doesn't look like he's listening to me any more either, so I guess I'm just talking to myself.'

Echizen rolls his eyes. 'Could we play tennis now?'

He wants to eat lunch, and he wonders why Oishi-senpai thought he would even consider dating somebody when it's too early in the day even for tennis.

[11:42 – UNIQLO STORE]

'An-chan's phone must be out of batteries,' Kamio mutters as he frantically peers between the clothes on the rack, as if Fuji might have taken Tachibana's little sister and hid her in an oversized men's jacket. 'Why is this mall so damn big?' The dynamic duo have searched through most of the first floor already, but the large UNIQLO store is proving to be a bit of a challenge.

'I bet she just doesn't want to answer calls from you,' Momo replies under his breath, glancing at the changing rooms. 'Do you think we could ask the clerk there if An-chan's inside?'

Kamio flushes a deep red. 'What? The clerk'll think we're – I don't know – why don't you just try to call Fuji?'

'Tried that already,' Momo grumbles, flipping open his mobile again. Inui had sent a message twenty minutes ago saying that he couldn't find them in the food court. 'Senpai's not answering either, but that's probably on purpose, knowing Fuji-senpai.'

'What are you saying about my little brother?' And then Momo and Kamio both turn to look at a gorgeous brunette Fuji Yumiko, flanked by another, less gorgeous Fuji (unfortunately, not the one they're looking for) and not really gorgeous; rather, very cute Eiji. The trio are staring at them, Yumiko with an unnerving smile, Yuuta with a confused frown and Eiji with a mobile camera pointed right at them.

'Ah – that's – ' Kamio, who hasn't had as much experience with the Fuji family stare as Momo, falters, but Momo just shrugs (though he does still get shivers down his spine).

'Actually, we're trying to find him, 'cause he's on a date,' Momo explains. Fuji the elder just continues smiling, while Fuji the younger snorts.

'I'm really not interested in my brother's antics,' Yuuta mutters, 'so I don't know why you dragged me along.'

'You don't enjoy my company, Yuuta?' Yumiko asks, but before Yuuta can reply, she continues, 'I'm not as lucky as Shusuke or you two, since I didn't have a date today.'

Kamio looks alarmed. 'No, that's completely wrong – '

'Kamio-kun, you're on a date with Momoshiro-kun?'

And with impeccable timing, Tachibana An enters, followed by another smiling Fuji and okay, three Fujis is definitely too many.

'No, we're not dating – '

'An-chan, why are you with _that guy_?'

'Not like you can talk when you're dating Momoshiro-kun! I can't believe you didn't tell me!'

'_Momo is dating someone too?_

'Ah! Oishi, when'd you get here?'

'I got the picture you sent me, Eiji, and I came right away!'

'First Ibu-kun and Echizen-kun, now this!'

'Wait, An-chan, what are you talking about?'

'_Echizen_?'

'That's not – '

A quiet cough, and they all quiet down. Yumiko looks genuinely amused now. 'I think you've misunderstood a bit. Shusuke told me he was just going on a shopping date.'

'So this is all a mix-up?' An asks, looking a bit disappointed. But then she perks up again. 'But Momoshiro-kun and Kamio-kun might still be dating?'

'_We're not!_'

'Excuse me.' It's the clerk who was standing by the changing rooms. 'I'm sorry, but you're disturbing the other guests, so I'm afraid I have to ask you to vacate the premises.'

[11:53 – FOOD COURT]

'This is all Inui's fault,' Momo grumbles. They've all gathered around one table, sitting snugly while eating the food Yumiko was kind enough to treat them to. Momo and Kamio sandwich An in, but she seems more interested in speaking to Fuji about the clothes they bought than interrupting the death glare contest Momo and Kamio are having over their burgers. Oishi's talking to Yuuta now about the dangers of dating too early, while Eiji sits next to Yumiko.

Kamio adds, 'He was the one who told us An-chan was on a date,' before realising he was agreeing with Momo which is obviously not right.

Yumiko raises an eyebrow at Eiji, who shakes his head rapidly. He really doesn't want to shoulder the blame for this one. 'Yeah, it's definitely all Inui's fault,' Eiji echoes, but not before looking around to make sure Inui's not watching from behind a table or something.

In the end though, nobody's dating anybody, and Eiji's just a little bit disappointed. Oh well; it was a nice way to spend Sunday at least. Hopefully he can cause the same amount of mayhem next weekend.

[11:57 – STREET COURT 2]

'You wanna grab lunch?'

'Sure, why not? I'm hungry now, and when I'm hungry I can't function as well, since I need food for energy and – '

'Let's go.'

'Where are we going to eat lunch? I'm not a picky eater but I still want to know before we start walking, because although sometimes I like surprises, sometimes they're unpleasant – '

'Do you like sushi?'

'Yes – '

'My teammate works at a place.'

And Echizen and Ibu start walking to Kawamura Sushi.

[22:47 – TEZUKA RESIDENCE]

It has been a long, uneventful Sunday for Seigaku's stoic captain. Fishing with his grandfather is one of his favourite pastimes, and that took up most of the day, while studying took up the evening. It is only when he retires to his room that he notices the number of new mails on his mobile, which he had kept on silent.

All of them are from Inui, except one from Fuji's sister (which he deletes right away; he remembers the last mail he got from her quite well), and even without knowing the reason for such bombardment, Tezuka is apprehensive as he checks the oldest one.

[Echizen and Fuji are going on a double date with Ibu Shinji and Tachibana An from Fudoumine tomorrow.]

He deletes the rest of the mails without reading them, and goes to sleep.


End file.
